“Just let it go.”

It’s advice we hear all the time. From well-meaning friends. From social media. From our own inner critic.

But for many women I work with — especially those carrying deep emotional histories, perfectionism, and patterns of overgiving — letting go doesn’t feel so simple.

In fact, it can feel confusing, even threatening.

I hate anxiety as much as you do. It’s wildly uncomfortable and one of the scarier ways our bodies respond. You know the feeling-hard to take a breath, tight and constricted, racing thoughts spiraling into overthinking, nagging sense something is wrong, worrying about the endless to-do list, inability to be still and relaxed while irritable and annoyed by others. It can also create feelings of powerlessness, shame, helplessness, and what I see the most in women–paralysis. Frozen on the outside, on fire within.

The unmothered adult daughter struggles in a multitude of ways; particularly in her relationships–with herself, with others, and advocating for her needs in general. The daughter’s nervous system becomes hardwired for a need to please. 

In my twenty-plus years of supporting people through all kinds of life transitions and big decisions, I have heard countless times, “How can I know if this is my intuition or anxiety?” Phrases like “trust your gut” and “you know when you know” can often add to the pressure and confusion as if we should inherently know what to trust and take that next step confidently.