Closing the Loop: How Open Loops Fuel Anxiety

(And specific ways to find calm, clarity, and completion)

My brain often feel likes 37 tabs are open and music is playing from one of them—if you feel this way–you’re not alone.

Unfinished conversations, half-done tasks, and postponed decisions create “open loops” which are unresolved threads that tug at your attention, increase stress, and make it hard to rest. For many women—and especially those who are neurodivergent—open loops can snowball into anxiety, procrastination, and a constant sense of being “behind.”

This story will help you understand why open loops rattle the nervous system and give you clear, doable ways to close the loop—one conversation, one task, one decision at a time.

What is an “open loop”?

An open loop is anything your brain believes still needs attention. That could be a text you didn’t respond to yet, a bill you keep meaning to pay, or that decision about attending something you keep deferring. Sometimes these open loops happen with others when we have a heated conversation that we walked away from, froze up within, or paused–but never wrapped up. Open loops also happen in our home and can be visual cues, like cleaning out the closet, but then never finished, and we go start three more home projects.

What these all have in common is your mind flags each one as “unfinished.” That silent buzzing makes your focus jumpy and your body tense. Our brains are wired to keep unfinished things active (this is referred to as the Zeigarnik effect); which is helpful when you need to remember to turn off the stove—not so helpful when you’re tracking 200 micro-tasks.

Open loops spike anxiety because each loop is consuming working memory, leaving less bandwidth for the present. Have you heard women running homes, businesses and families say “the mental load is just too much?” This is a prime example of the cognitive overload happening in the brain. The nervous system is also feeling a sense of threat because all this lack of clarity of what the next step will be is being interpreted as perceived danger.

Not to mention the dopamine addiction we often get when we keep starting new things, because that is a rewarding sensation, rather than sticking with something over time, which might feel boring or overwhelming-especially for folks with ADHD. The relational dynamic of bringing up new topics and feelings while trying to focus on one is often a way a person deflects, defends, distracts, and can lead to a lot of confusion, fatigue, and frustration for the other person.

The antidote isn’t perfection. It’s gentle completion—closing small circles so your mind can settle. Think–one loop at a time.

If your attention is like a spotlight and it’s zig-zagging all over the place, nothing is illuminated. If it points to one thing, you see the path. The writing practice below helps you choose which loop to illuminate and how to finish it. Try this the next time you’re feeling scattered:

• Externalize everything
  Liz Gilbert calls it the ‘mind dump’- write every nagging item onto paper or a notes app. No sorting, no judging. Get it out of your head.

• Star the “easy closes”
  Mark anything you can finish in under 2 minutes (reply, file, schedule).

• Circle one Core Loop
  Choose the single task or conversation that, if progressed or resolved, would unlock the most relief or momentum today.

• Body settle
  Sit. Exhale longer than you inhale (e.g., inhale 4 counts, exhale 6–8). Press your feet into the floor. Let your shoulders drop. Tell yourself: “One thing at a time.”

• Close 1-3 quick ones
  Do three starred items now. Feel the micro-wins. These micro-closures reduce the noise.  Then move to your Core Loop.
  

If you know you’re ADHD or neurodivergent, some techniques can create a lot more ease for you. One thing that individuals with scattered minds often struggle with, but greatly benefit from, is systems. These kinds of consistent and recurring choices like, “I pay my bills on Friday’s at 1pm” or “I reply to unanswered texts after dinner before my show. Short answers are enough.” Fewer decisions mean fewer loops, so coming up with your own systems can create more ease in the long run.

For neurodivergent entrepreneurs balancing a million tasks or parents of neurospicy kids with messy rooms, try ‘body-doubling.’ This is working alongside someone (or in a virtual co-working room or space). It really helps to set a timer and choose one loop to focus on, then take a break once the timer goes off. Take a break, stretch, move, wiggle and then choose the next loop with a specific work time. This action creates safety in the nervous system. 

If you find that open loops cause extra stress in your relationships, this next practice is for you. With a partner or close one, choose a single topic for conversation. That may sound like “Can we talk about just the budget for 15 minutes? If other topics pop up, let’s park them and schedule them.”

One of the most common dynamics for conflict in relationships is the lack of repair.

This is a skill that, once learned, can restore harmony and connection. Begin by naming it “We left last night’s conversation open.” Then, validate and express “I care about how you feel. I was getting overwhelmed. I want to figure out what the next best steps are.”

This practice does not need to be perfect, especially when anxiety often confuses ‘perfect’ with ‘safe.’ It’s all about progress, and allowing it to be good enough. Especially if you are practicing new skills-they take time to build and become natural.

My final tip to help create a sense of inner closure and reflection, is having a weekly closing ritual. Create a simple ceremony that signals completion; like lighting a candle, having your favorite drink, play your favorite music, and then clear out the inbox, pay what’s due or schedule what’s not, and close out or schedule what’s still undone. End by naming three wins for the week and identifying one priority for next week. This tells your nervous system-we end things here.

And if a loop keeps reopening, that’s information—not failure. It may need more support from you. Some loops carry old pain and closing them requires titration–working in small, resourced doses so your nervous system stays within your window of tolerance. This is where working with your body, being compassionate to yourself, choosing teeny tiny steps, and stopping where you feel safe for that moment, can create more safety within. 

Completion is a nervous-system experience, not just a checkbox.

When you close a loop, let your body notice it: exhale, soften your jaw, say “done.” Train your system to recognize and trust the feeling of being finished.

I support adults in rewiring anxious patterns with body-based tools, relationship repair skills, and systems that honor how your brain actually works. If you’d like guidance, we can create a close-the-loop plan that fits your life—and gently stick to it.